Things We Wish You Knew

Ladies, we know you think we cannot communicate. If you have learned to live with it, and you are happy with whom you got, you are an amazing and wise woman; kudos to you. But if you are one of those that even if your boyfriend or husband were the greatest orator or the most prolific writer in the land, you would still complain about his inability to express, then read on. And you know who you are: you think Indian man have a genetic defect; you think there is something wrong with us.

Maybe we do not have the gift of gab. Maybe we value silence more than you so. But have you ever wondered that there maybe, just may be, other reasons. May be it is not always the question of ability, but of willingness. There are things we wish you knew. Things we want to tell you, but did not get the change or the courage to tell you. So here it goes. First of all, we would like you to know that we work hard to make you happy; failing that wish to make you less unhappy; failing that we want to make you less angry; and failing that we just pray you do not get mad. Here is a list of what your Indian husband or boyfriend is thinking, but too scared to tell you.

• Do not expect us to give a running commentary about our relationship: it is not a cricket match. When it comes to relationship, we do not keep the score. We know you do. Remember the Japanese saying: for a cook, a silent eater is the best compliment. We wish you would just shut up, and enjoy it.
• Do not tell us that we do not talk. We are fully aware of it. We know you find us unresponsive all the time, uncooperative most of the times, and down right stoic at times. We might not have known it at the beginning, but surely got it by the time you reached the millionth mark.
• Stop asking us why we do not want to talk about something. Guess what, as you said we do not want to talk about it.
• If we not talking it can mean two things. First, we are exercising our right to be silent to avoid self incrimination. We know communication is your clever way of collecting ammunition for future arguments. Second, we really have nothing to say.
• Do not ask us what we thinking. If we think of something, we will tell you.
• If you think we have changed since we first met or since we got married, do not blame us. We have been with you the whole time.
• Do not drag up things we did or said 3 months, 3 years, or 30 years ago. We believe there is a statute of limitation for every thing.
• Remember we believe in double jeopardy too: you cannot penalize us for the same mistake twice.
• Blame us for what we did, not what you think we did. As you know we have no control over what you think.
• Do not ask us if we love you. If you are in a new relationship, we are not yet sure. If you are a long time girl friend, we have not married you for a reason. If you are a wife, life time commitment should be answer enough for you.
• Do not expect us to remind you that we love you every five minutes. That is why we have alarm clocks.
• The reason we shut down during an argument is that we are busy looking for some logic in the wilderness of your words. We are just trying to find out what possible connection there is between forgetting to post the mail and our ex-girlfriend.
• When it comes to our ex, we do not want to talk about her as much as you do. She is ex for a reason. The same goes for your ex too.
• If you are a wife or girlfriend, do not ask us to sand up to our mothers or sisters. Remember that they are woman too, and has the same strong control over us. Moreover, they had longer time to practice on us.
• If you are a mother or sister, do not ask us to stand up to our wife or girlfriend. Remember that she is a woman too, and has the same strong control over us. Moreover, you cannot threaten to leave us.
• If you are a girlfriend, do not us ask where we stand on dowry. Our mother does not like you enough to bring the topic of dowry yet.
• If you are a wife, do not ask why we did not ask for less or more dowry. You jolly well know that was the amount our mother told us.
• You think flowers, chocolates, and jewelry prove our affection for you. Actually, that is not so. Why did you give you our bank account number if we did not like you. Why did you give our password if we did not love you?
• When it comes to physical intimacy, remember we tune out after the first word. The second word never enters our mind.
• Do not ask what we think about your lady friends. If we lie, you would be mad. If you tell the truth, you would be livid. And why is that you always ask that question only about those friends you are sure we cannot help but be attracted to?
• Never ask us if you look fat in a particular dress. We fail to see how a dress can effect your size. We do not ask you if our shoes make us look smart.
• If despite your extensive effort you cannot prove, but still suspect we are cheating on you, sit back and relax. We are neither that creative nor that careful.
• The only reason we do not look at other woman is laziness. Self control, character, or commitment has nothing to do with it.
• Do not ask us if you are prettier than someone else. If you have to ask, most likely you are not.
• Do not ask us about why we broke up with our ex-girl friend. If we had any clue, we would be still together.
• When we about to go out, if you really want us to tell you which dress we like you to ware, show us the dress that will take the least time to ware.
• Do not remind us that you could have married a doctor or an engineer. If you could, you would not be still with us.
• Do not tell us what a great man your father or uncle is - you cannot marry them.
• Do not complain if we cannot cook. Remember a man’s heart is through his stomach. If we can cook, you lose one way to control us. Do you want to be the woman who says, “Oh, I love him, he is such a good cook.” Or you wish to be the woman who hears, “Oh I love her, she is such a good cook.” It is always better to be loved than love someone.
• Do not complain about our lack of taste. We do not complain about your lack of taste in men.
• Remember most us are not romantic, like most you are not reasonable. None of us are going to change. Learn to live with it.
• Not everything we do reflects how much we care about you. If we do not want to watch a movie, it is just the movie.
• Do not ask us to socialize. If they are men you would complain we spend so much time with them. If there is a woman, you will ask why we spend so much time with them.
• We might forget how nice you are, but nagging surely leaves a lasting impression.
• Remember cry is like salt. A dash of it now and than makes you sensitive. But too much of it can spoil any relationship. Use with discretion.
• Do not try to make us understand why it is all right for you to hate our sister, but it is not all right for us to dislike your brother.
• Do not give us the replay of your day. Just the highlights are more than enough. And do not expect us to reciprocate; we have already spent a lot of time listening to your replay.
• Do not ask us what we think about the argument you had with your friends or relatives. Tell us what you want to hear.
• Do not complain how much time we spend on TV or computer. We do not complain how much time you spend on phone.
• Do not keep reminding us that we should not waste money, and then ask us why we do not buy you expensive jewelry.

And finally, if you want us to talk, you have to stop talking once in a while and give us a chance.